I find myself comparing me to others, I find myself drowning in self-doubt.

I strive to listen to my own desire as I shut it down. I strive to impose my voice as I quietly say ok to what I don’t want to. I wander about the fact that I’m entlitled my life and my greatness, as I use comparing mechanisms that only take from me my self importancy.

I get scared of how things might turn out. I get scared I might be loosing my life.

Well I… think I am when I sign off of what I want – maybe for fear that following my desires, as once was, would be prisioning as well. I fear my own time is a wrong time, I fear my own wish is a mistaken wish.

For the fear of the over-hardly striving, I signed off of any trying. Any attempt scared me. I’ll try to see. But one thing I am sure, not being is not the way to be.